A Sad Reality

I have lots of friends having babies. It's really a very fun stage of life to be in. But being surrounded by all this baby excitement has made me resigned to a sad but seemingly quite true fact: expecting parents are unlikely to select a name that has been recommended to them by good willed outsiders. Now, I don't have any data to back this up. Maybe I'm wrong and actually, lots of couples choose a name provided to them buy a family member or friend. But I don't think so- not in my experience, anyway. As enticing as it is to barrage parents-to-be with name suggestion after glorious name suggestion, and while they may smile and seem to ponder such names (they may not- they may scowl and request you stop already), deep down inside parents have an aversion to suggested names. They want to come up with their name all alone. As I was considering this a couple weeks ago, it dawned on me that I would be highly unlikely to choose a name mentioned by anyone other than my husband or myself. Maybe that's because I want Blake and I to bear the full weight of the naming responsibility, and I don't want an outsider (even a very close relative) to secretly be pleased with themselves for promoting a chosen name. Sure, that's silly, but I really want our names to be products of Blake and me, our ingenuity and discretion. Someone suggesting a specific names deadens it slightly to me, sadly.

Now, there are ways around this. For instance, a name listed among others in a category but without specific attention drawn to it can still work. Say I'm sitting with a bunch of girl friends and I mention that I'm looking for an Old Testament boy's name. My friends can start listing names: "Noah, Shadrach, David, Samuel, Joseph, Obadiah, Malachi," and I could latch onto one of those names. But as soon as one of the girls starts really pushing one of them: "Obadiah Bowen sounds so good- you can call him Obie, and it's so unusual, you should totally use it!" That name is not really a possibility for me anymore. So, one way to subtly suggest a name to a friend is slipping it into a list and not dwelling on it.

Other methods of unobvious name persuasion are giving the mom or dad a book to read that has a character with the name, sending them newspaper articles with the name, mentioning someone you know with the name, drawing attention to an historical person off offhandedly who went by the name, and so on. Just make sure the associations with the name are positive! That way, if the couple is going to be intrigued by the name, it will be as if they discovered it on their own. And if it doesn't jump out at them, they wouldn't have chosen it anyway.